| "If You're Not Famous At Fourteen, You're Finished" | |
|---|---|
| Song by TISM | |
| Released | 2001 |
| Recorded | 2001 |
| Genre | Alternative rock |
| Length | 2:53 |
| Label | FMR/genre b.goode |
| Writer | TISM |
| Producer | TISM |
"If You're Not Famous At Fourteen, You're Finished" is the name of a song by TISM released off De RigueurMortis (2001). It was the only single off the album to have a video. Though some believe the song to be about Nikki Webster, the band have said it isn't, but is more about the appearance of young stars "the costume designer has attempted to create some kind of weird, freaky, sexy bimbette out of someone who is so quintessentially the class dobber."
The song opens with an audio recording of the Countdown theme song, over which a voice over reads "Hello Australia and welcome to Countdown, I'm Gavin Wood and here's TISM!", as would have been introduced on the television show. The song begins at this introduction and focuses initially on what makes a person skilled; however, it quickly dismisses this line due to the interest in the skilled person fading at the age of fourteen.
The song then goes on to detail all the things a child should be able to do before the age of fourteen, or earlier, in order to become a star. If the child cannot do these things, it is said, it's the parents fault for not raising them correctly.
The song then comments, finally, that the age a star traditionally faded was at twenty one. Which then dropped to eighteen, and now it is, as the title suggests, the age of fourteen.
The video features young school-age children in what appears to be an audition. Over the top of the audio come the voice over of TISM vocalists, Ron Hitler-Barassi and Humphrey B. Flaubert who comment on how dismal the children are at whatever it is they are doing and idly wonder what else they could watch on another television station. At one stage they get fed up and fast-forward the video. Finally, at the end of the song, they decide to switch over to SBS.
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